u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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