nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
