Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
