The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
