You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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