i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
