dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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