Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize