hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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