I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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