I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
