My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Vodka?
Forever.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
