I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize