I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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