You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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