Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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