Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Did we literally take a cab across the street
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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