When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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