but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
