wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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