I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I am mentally ready for anal.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
