i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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