I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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