If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
