I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
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He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
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He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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