Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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