Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
