I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
