Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
