yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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