"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
