Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize