So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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