You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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