Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
