He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
