Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You are a genius and a whore.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
