I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
