escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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