opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize