Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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