If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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