How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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