When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
