I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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