i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
