Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize