Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Im part way to drunk.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
