im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
