I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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