I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
