I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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