haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
