You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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