I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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