he puts the penis in happiness.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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