There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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