i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
