he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
