your parents love me but you hate me
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
