porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
