She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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