i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Randomize
