I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
