You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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