i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
