just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
