She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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