And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
