I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
