I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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