Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
