i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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