so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
