my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I forgot wine drunk hurts
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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