Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
