you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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