Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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